Huang Yixi Vicson

Date : Sunday, January 31, 2010
Time : 3:36 am

I wished you were ard today
when I was out shooting
I just couldn't get you out of my mind
for the whole 30 mins;
for the whole ride

I knew you wanted to go

Date : Thursday, January 28, 2010
Time : 11:05 pm

each and everytime I want to do my work at home
my name is called
whole of this week

damn irritating.

sigh.
idk why am i ranting so much
idk why am i blogging so much this month

Date : Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Time : 11:43 pm

been wanting to sleep so much these few days
it can only mean one thing

stress

if you guys think that its enough
sorry to say, but
i'll go ahead without you guys

ever felt useless, even in your dreams?
ever felt useless, cause of a dream that you had?

Date :
Time : 12:39 pm

a nightmare
waking up in the middle of the night
having muscle cramps
lower left calf muscle
there was nothing I could do
it was terrible
squirming all over my bed in the cold room
my dog was sleeping on my bed
and she didnt move a single bit
let alone wake up

I woke up
and felt a tight strain in my lower left calf muscle
it wasn't a nightmare

I'm limping right now

a dream I had
I couldn't even face
Couldn't face it in the dream
that itself says a lot doesn't it

Date : Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Time : 9:21 am

stay strong
stay strong
stay strong

Date : Saturday, January 23, 2010
Time : 1:47 pm

one simple issue
has just some how conflicted everyone

Date : Thursday, January 21, 2010
Time : 1:41 am

two random conversations I had in school today
or rather yesterday
one sensible
the other insensitive
both had the same effect

it is still there.
can't get over it

Date :
Time : 1:37 am

so much is going through my mind now.
my heart just feels so empty
I really don't know what else can I do
I tried so many ways to get over it
but I just can't

I actually figured something might be going on
but I didn't want to question.
trust
was all I had

Date : Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Time : 10:58 pm

I still find myself asking, why

Date :
Time : 6:56 pm

one talks about it when on my way to school
one talks about it the moment I reach home
I did not even ask, to send me home
now then you realise it
that it has always been like that
both says no appreciation is given
is that the truth

yet again
the last to sleep, first to wake up
can't just everything be quiet

so tired of life
honestly
I am
lost the drive to do anything
and I mean literally everything

Date : Monday, January 18, 2010
Time : 12:56 am

resisting.
resisting.
resisting.

Date : Sunday, January 17, 2010
Time : 11:30 pm

was just submitting an assignment to safe assign
spotlight 'happy birthday' for the document
saw one particular file
and I've no idea why did I read it later on

so much going through me right now

no one said it was going to be easy
the words said still ring inside of me
the things done still flash inside of me

i still wished. still wished.

proper conversations

Date :
Time : 5:02 pm

whatever

Date : Friday, January 15, 2010
Time : 12:49 am

one particular roll of film
refusal to send it for developing

Date :
Time : 12:41 am

sharing of my joy;
only person I want to do with

it's still a struggle.
up till now

Date : Thursday, January 14, 2010
Time : 11:40 pm

lost the drive
for anything and everything

Date :
Time : 12:06 am

I didn't know what to expect.
I didn't know how to react.
I just froze for that moment, the feeling inside me;
I don't know how to explain it.

it was just terrible, just terrible.

Date : Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Time : 8:58 am

I was just walking to class
when this thought went through my mind.

sometimes, it just a door that seperates you from something you want
sometimes, it's someone
as much as you want the obstacle of the door to be removed
sometimes, it's just so difficult

Date : Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Time : 10:17 pm

opened stickies and wasnt expecting to see anything written on it.
how wrong was I
I didnt know how to react after seeing what was written or rather typed on it.

I'm still trying.
so.
hard.

Date : Monday, January 11, 2010
Time : 1:48 am

deep in somewhere in me
I still find myself missing you
I really do.

Date : Sunday, January 10, 2010
Time : 10:52 pm

I'm still around

Date :
Time : 12:51 am

I've tried.
I've really tried.
Done all that I can.
But as much as I want to, I couldn't

Right at the very moment
I didn't know what to do
the feeling of, just emptiness came around.
I couldn't; I had to walk away

It's still in me

Date : Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Time : 12:51 am

as much as I am trying
they are still coming back to me
last thing before I sleep, first thing when I wake up

as much as I tried
the New Year didn't exactly start that way I wanted
it was just me and myself in my room
whatever I went through after 12
I was struggling so badly
felt so helpless

as much as I'm trying
even now
it.is.still.a.struggle

why do I still bother.
why do I still find myself being bothered
cause it is still the same reason
the same reason as before

Date : Friday, January 01, 2010
Time : 12:21 am

I guess its just me.