Huang Yixi Vicson

Date : Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Time : 3:17 pm

am I just holding on to it, aimlessly?

countless of sleepless nights that I'm going through recently.

falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning

giving morning calls faithfully

waking up, just waiting and hoping that you will give me a call or text;

asking 'do you want to send me home'

time and time again, I am asking myself.

are you making use of me? maybe when he isn't free, its me you turn to.

helping you with your work and what nots.

friends and church members happen to see my phone's wallpaper - you know what it is

and they ask me, is that my girlfriend.

I just do not know what to answer them. sometimes just shrugging off the question, sometimes telling them its complicated.

another two more weeks and school's reopening for me.

told you my timetable and how my timing will be like; monday will only be my free day in the afternoon. other then that, the rest of my days are burnt.

by then, school would have ended and you, together with him will be having your holiday.

what will happen by then, if this continues?

I really do not know what to expect then.

I've been trying hard throughout for the two months, ever since we started talking again.

I've been trying even harder for the past 6 weeks, ever since that sunday night.

and now it has come to this situation

I really do not know what to expect next.

Date :
Time : 3:49 am

I just thought of doing something.

something that will make you say 'insane/crazy ah'

I am almost certain.

But should I do it?

Besides I have no idea what your reaction will be when you find out about it.

Or should I leave it for tomorrow?

Undecided, today or tomorrow?

Date : Sunday, September 28, 2008
Time : 12:19 am

No, it's not that I did not want to stay, but i can't.

No, it's not that I did not want to leave my MacBook with you. It's just how am I going to get it back from you.

Lent you my jacket and I was freezing up for the rest of the day.

Big sacrifice like what you mentioned - but do you really mean it?

HYXV - I give it to you de lor

That's why the decision for me to change and use it - The reason is you, simple as that.

I just saw something.

Something that stirs up the jealousy in me.

Something that makes me feel like I am really going to lose you.

Something that changed my mood almost immediately.

Something that makes me think, sometimes too much.

Something that makes me that I have not, am not doing enough.

Something that will most probably cause me to have another sleepless night.

Something that will most probably cause me to cry myself to sleep.

Something that makes me want to have you back by my side, even more.

Something that makes me want to do even more for you.

Something that puts my love for you into a test, and making it even stronger.

It maybe something small but it is enough to cause all these.

Question of doubt is just running through my mind right now. Are you just making use of me? Time and time again, this question has been in my mind, and has been always left unanswered. Chucked some where out of the context, only for it to be dug up again; unknowingly.

Baby,

Can't you just get how much you mean to me?

Can't you just tell how much I love you?

Can't you just tell how much I need you?

I know I said this before, but I am going to say it again.

I'm taking it day by day, not knowing what to expect in the next couple of hours, not knowing what to expect tomorrow, the day after, next week, until the very day I hear it from you and when you mean it.

-tears are just flowing down from my eyes right now, even as I am typing this.

Date : Saturday, September 27, 2008
Time : 11:45 pm

forgot what did I want to add to my previous post, so it won't be edited.

it has been a long weekend long for. tiring and busy.

Dad's church is having a Prayer Conference, so he asked me to play the drums and also to take photos.

Tomorrow's the last day, somehow just glad that its going to be over, cause its really tiring.

Nothing much else to blog on.

HYXV

Date : Friday, September 26, 2008
Time : 1:03 am

pardon for the lack of updates.

I've kinda lost the 'effort to blog', besides there's nothing much for me to blog on and even if there is something for me to blog on, it would be quite difficult for me to put it into words.

Having the sudden spur to head out and take more photos, and also I do not want to run out of photos to post them on my photog blog. For those who do not know about it, here it is again. http://photography-inspired.blogspot.com

Been out the last few days and have seen new places where they can contribute to nice photos. Well, at least to my own point of view, at least from what I see through my eyes. But it could be a whole different story through the lens of the camera.

Finally got my hair chopped off, after 4 long months. My dad wasn't exactly happy with me keeping my hair. No idea how did the person cut it, cause now its not exactly like the hair I used to have. If I were to wear my secondary school uniform and head back to school, I swear the teachers will think that I am still a student, cause it makes me look like I am still schooling - in sec sch. Its really a schoolboy look.

If you happen to see me with my current hair, go ahead and laugh if you want to. seriously. I can't really be bothered.

One weird thing is I am actually looking forward to starting school again. I'm just so interested to find out if those schoolmates of mine have changed one bit or if they are still the same as they have been last semester. I am kind of worried about facing the new modules this coming semester, because I took the easier set of modules last semester and my results isn't very convincing.

2 Bs

2 Cs

2C+s

1 D

GPA : 2.16

A couple of similar scores in my class may actually cause me not to think so much. But the fact is that I know that my grades could have been better. Failure to submit one assignment for one of my modules, failure to prepare adequately for the quizes caused all these. I didn't exactly had a good semester, like what one of my course-mate told me and now that I come to think of it, it kind of make sense.

Struggling to fit into the class; Thought I was the only Christian in the class - turned out there was another one after half a semester, that makes two of us; Poor time management for my school work; dropping of the school camera - broken lens; damn class politics; non-related school issues; personal problems/issues; not to mention me dropping my MacBook - resulting in having a cracked LCD. guess that really sums up my whole semester.

Not exactly the kind of start that I wanted.

tempted to change the layout.

can't get to sleep now

- 2:11am complete update later on. should be sleeping after looking for a new layout-

HYXV

Date : Friday, September 19, 2008
Time : 11:52 pm

It's just tough on how I should be blogging for today.

I do not know how to put it, do not know what words to use but I will just try my best to do it.

Earlier please and not like just 5-10 mins! What's the tallest building in the world? 6 packets of Milk for the Milk Tea at Mos Burger; only given 3 packets with an additional 2 more later on. New dip - A mixture of ketchup, chilli and mustard sauce. First time seeing a long stretch of cacti I've seen in the public. Mimosa is the new love. Dare, Double Dare, Triple Dare, Quadruple Dare. Catch Me If You Can, running away with backpacks. Sitting on the see-saw, with the asses hitting the floor. Wow, didn't know you could do pull-ups. Monkey bar when all was needed for a little of tip-toeing. Talking about camera angles and what would composite a nice photo. 5th level with all tables but no chairs. After waiting for so long, finally got it - again. Pretty sunset. Red ants took the cuttlefish and the wind blew the rest of it away. Did study after all. Talking face to face is just so much easier - guess it really applies to any and everyone. One wasn't enough, neither was two, or rather in other words, its never enough - just so addictive. Want to video it down and show them? Resemblance of mood, as compared to the past. Sitting on the floor and behind the table. Being serious while talking about a serious issue - like was it really serious? hah. heh. Needing to go to the toilet, but just not mentioning it at that point of time. Longest ever - 7 hours, but it felt just like less then an hour.

Plenty of 'what ifs', but they don't really matter now, do they? Longest ever - 7 hours, but it felt less then an hour. Just wanted time to stop at that very moment.

I guess whatever that I wanted to say

has been said and written

I've tried and given my best

and there's nothing much that I can do now

its all in your hands - once again

I am just happy with the fact that -

'I know you love me deep within'

HYXV / Vicson Huang Yixi

Date : Thursday, September 18, 2008
Time : 7:29 pm

Olympus finally called my dad yesterday, and camera's ready for collection.

But it was like the warranty doesn't cover the memory card cover, so had to fork out like $16.

They had the rubber around the camera replaced, cause it expanded and that was covered.

So I guess, the camera is almost as good as new.

It has been quite a good week for me I guess.

-Macbook's repaired, no data lost.

-Camera repaired. I need to take more photos, real soon

-Out for a couple of afternoons

-Soccer on Monday night

Down to River Valley to collect the camera this afternoon. No idea is it that I left home at the wrong timing, at like around 2:35pm. thought maybe by then the school people would have cleared already, but it wasn't the case. Saw a couple of familiar faces, like as always.

Decided to take 65 back cause I didn't want to squeeze in the train as it was close to peak hour already, and surprisingly it wasn't very packed. Had the seat all to myself for the whole journey. Decided to drop along Bedok Reservoir and 22-ed home, cause didn't want to squeeze with people at interchange.

-edited 19/9-

Was online for the whole night(referring to 18/9), I guess. Had a super late dinner. Planned to sleep early but I just had no idea why I could not sleep. Sorry!

Slept close to 3:30 eventually, i think.

HYXV / Vicson Huang Yixi

Date :
Time : 7:29 pm

just saw it.

if its really him.

then it really hurts, it still does.

-edited 19:42-

thank you.

hopefully it will make me feel better (:

Date : Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Time : 10:37 pm

a typo regarding to the number of photos that I have in my com. nope, it isnt 7000 plus. As a matter of fact, its 9000 plus. (:

Date :
Time : 10:37 pm

I mean, shouldn't I be happy that I managed to recover everything from the old hard disk.

Looking forward to share with you the good news but it wasn't to be?

My dad just called me and told me that the camera's ready for collection, wanted to share it with you but just wasn't in the mood.

I was really upset ):

Date :
Time : 10:37 pm

sorry for the lack of updates.

for a very good reason.

No, not that I was lazy or I didn't had the time.

Simply because my Mac died on me. Hard-disk problem.

Came back on Sunday night. Took plenty of photos - close to 700 for 4 days.

Mac was working okay for monday. edited some of the photos, then met family for dinner.

It kinda hanged a couple of times on Tuesday night, before officially dying on me.

Got me really frustrated, cause I was doing my stuff online and talking to people.

Told my dad about it, just to let him know and he was like

So now how?

I was thinking to myself

Just letting you know what. now how? obviously going to send if for servicing, then what else can I do. -.-

Spent the whole of last Wednesday out. Going down to City Hall to send my camera for servicing, cause the memory card cover can't close. Only to find out that Olympus shifted to River Valley and they didn't provide a specific address. Ended up getting lost, but managed to find my way there. Then down to Braddell to send my Mac in for servicing.

So, yes, for the past week. the TV tried to be my best companion, but failed terribly. The phone did quite a decent job in getting my occupied, house phone and handphone.

Went out for a couple of afternoons and enjoyed my time. Lame jokes and all.

I'm just plain surprised that I survived without my laptop. But it wasn't the losing of laptop that made me worry. It was all my stuff inside that made me worry. Just one staggering figure of 7000 over photos, was enough to make me worry. Including the photos that I took when I was away, for the Youth Camp, for my school assignments. Totally irreplaceable.

Songs - I can always get it back from CDs and my iPod. But photos. no way totally.

Collected my Mac this late afternoon. Kinda rushed down cause I was out. Reached their office at 5:45pm when they close at 6pm, so thank goodness. Everything in my Mac was gone but all the data still intact in the old hard disk, so I was relieved; very relieved.

going to settle it and transfer everything back tomorrow, hopefully.

Looking forward to get my camera back, real soon. Still waiting for their call.

if this is Thank you, then what is this? Stupid

White Gorilla - Sorry, I didn't mean it

How long has it been since we talked this long

Babe, I miss it all.

It was really a torture for me those four days

Everything's in the letter, I mean it all.

I Love You

HYXV / Vicson Huang Yixi

Date : Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Time : 10:27 pm

alrights. update for yesterday and today.

soccer last night. Another ball to face incident, not before being at the receiving end of rough play by freaking angmohs. I was clearly in front of him, got the ball. know what he did ? He pushed me towards the netting, and my left profile and left hand brushed again it, and that was when I was running. No apologies, no nothing at all. including the guy who took the shot and the ball hit my face/chest. No concern at all. My face was numb for more then 15 minutes and that was enough for me to stop for the night. Ended up keeping time for the rest of the night.

Got a lift home. had my dinner late, close to 1, before going off close to 1:30. Struggled to get to sleep.

some stuff on my mind, legs still feeling the effects from Sunday's match and Tuesday night.

Guess I eventually fell asleep by 2:30, I think.

woke up close to 2 today. went online for a while, then headed out to Lavender to collect my new passport. I was freaking freezing up while waiting for my queue number, ended up going down to grab some food. the laksa totally sucked, it was horribleeeeee.

no idea how did i miss my queue number, cause when I went down, there was at least 50 more people ahead of me.

collected my new passport within 5 mins and headed home.

guess that's about it.

got to go and pack my stuff. won't be around from tomorrow till sunday night, so till then.

are things getting better

or is it me who is getting used to it

you mean a whole lot to me, girl

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date :
Time : 2:16 pm

alright, I know it has been quite a while that I said I wanted to create a new blog for my photos.

here it is.

www.photography-inspired.blogspot.com

and remember to drop me a tag (:

Date : Monday, September 01, 2008
Time : 6:46 pm

struggled to sleep, despite having a terrible headache last night.

initally planned to be up early and settle my passport the first thing in the morning, but I only managed to wake up close to 11:30. left home close to 12, was on the phone throughout my way there and while I was there.

if all goes right, I should be able to collect my passport after 3pm this Wednesday and I would be able to travel the following day. hopefully.

No, I am not exactly crazy, but that was what I really wanted to do after I was done with my passport. All that was on my mind was the letter again, and it was the last sentence that went round and round. "I wish I didn't _________ that caused us to waver"

I was tearing half my journey home. I mean it when I say I love you more then ever before.

just wanted to buy something to distract myself. ended up getting a new pair of drumsticks. a small scale of retail therapy.my birthday present for myself. pathetic isn't it. Oh wells.

Girl, where's the love that you use to have for me

Where's the love the we use to have

I am missing it all

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date :
Time : 1:27 am

time now is 1:27am

had a long day, only washed up not too long ago. I'm have a splitting headache now, had it ever since around 8 plus.

struggled to sleep last night. promised to sleep before 2. went offline just before 2, and I was on my bed for close to two hours.

nothing on my mind but you. the conversation that we had on what we could remember, just keeps going round and round in my mind, bringing back memories at the same time.

woke up at 8:45 as usual, only to stay awake for a mere two minutes. got woken up at 10 and was suppose to get out of bed, but fell back asleep on to wake up at 10:30. kinda rushed out of the house, cause had to pack stuff for the cell outing after service.

service was quite boring, so tried seeking salvation from my phone and it did work.

lunch was - blah!

all I saw was green, brown, brown. well, still had to eat, so yeahh. in the end cell outing was cancelled cause quite a few people did not go church today. so ended up heading home to dump my stuff, together with my brother, change and grab my boots for soccer, cause have been playing with Crossover and they had a match. so yeahh.

[1:50am - okay, I seriously need to sleep, if i can fall asleep cause my headache's getting worse. complete update tomorrow]

[Monday 5:56pm - Complete update]

the match was still okay, expected to lose and that was what happened. didn't really get into the game, cause all I got were long balls and chasing after of loose balls, besides I was being man-marked through out the whole match. damn, how much trouble can I cause? haha. quite a couple of openings but failed to convert them.

had dinner with my brother's friends who were from Malaysia. steamboat at bugis. didn't exactly had the mood to eat for the first hour or so, got better after that. wanted to go for dessert after that, but the queue was long and I was having a bad headache.

decided to walk down to city hall, cause some were heading to the west, while some were taking the Red Line, so yeah.

tried to get some rest while on my way back, but my headache just didn't permit me to. back at Tampines close to 12.

caught the match after reached home, washed up and went online. yup.

the way we were on the phone

the innocence that we had

I miss it all

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson