Huang Yixi Vicson

Date : Friday, October 31, 2008
Time : 11:58 pm

decided to take a break from school work - for now

of all times, when I am supposed to be doing my school work my brain just isn't working right now. all I can say is that the projects are just piling up, and so is my stress level.

haven been able to get much sleep recently, I'm like just seriously trying to work my ass off to clear off all the projects. which really equals to not really having the time to update on a regularly basis.

a couple of more weeks, and its going to be mid-term. I have always said this and I will still say it again. school just passes too fast for me seriously. like what I've mentioned earlier on, all the projects are starting to pile up.

a 800 word journal due on Monday and I am stuck half way.

Camera handling test on next week.

Two draft projects due next week - and they only inform us like yesterday and today. some how I just can't wait for week 4 to be over, but not exactly looking forward to the weeks to come.

been sleeping late and waking up early for the past week.

Tuesday - fell asleep during the super dry lecture for location production. lecture for written communication was a waste of time, lecture for audio technology kinda dry also - going all the way back to secondary school physics: wave lengths, amplitudes and what nots. decided not to go down for soccer, was feeling a little tired also.

Wednesday - grammar and more grammar and citation. totally sucks. slept again during the 2 hour break. tutorial for location production was quite good. reviewed all the shots that were taken the previous week for all the groups - am actually quite surprised that my group did relatively well and I had one good shot myself (: rushed off immediately the moment classed finished. down to church for Nat's wedding rehearsal, or rather for the P&W. gave myself needless pressure cause Ken was there, and he is one of the best bassist around, I'm sure about that. Having played for Stefanie Sun, Ah Mei and won the Best Music Arranger Award a couple of years back, there's no doubting his ability - a lefty playing a 6 string bass right handed!! (:

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb... - who actually knows the lyrics of the whole song by heart? like instantly! drop me a tag please!! (: hahahah

reminisces of the past in that approximately one hour super impromptu conference. unquotable quotes over the net, but quotable quotes over the phone. it really just goes all the way back to three - four years back. really, its amazing on how time flies. not the last of it, i hope. (:

Thursday - Audio tech, audio tech. did a little patching, explained my situation to my lecturer and off I for my make-up lesson for Sports & Wellness. warm ups, throwing of the ball and plenty of sprinting and catching of balls. I guess it just totally suits my style of sports. Had a couple of good sprint trials and good throws. cant wait for the next lesson.

calls only when you need help. is that it?? my fault, my fault. everything's my fault ):

tried to study for soc psy, but just failed to register anything into my mind. late night once again.

Friday - just to sleep in just for that little while longer and I nearly missed the bus. tried studying on the shuttle bus but ended up falling asleep. Discussion for location production - it was a fun time. So is it a MS, MCU, CU or ECU? SHIT!! Left or right of the telephone booth??Calefare or extra? Producer, Director, Cameraman - all fit into one.Fell asleep during Computer Graphics, only to be woken up and managed to stay awake through out. Screwed my test up for Soc Psy. tutorial was rather fun on the overall.

trained down to City Hall. it has just been quite awhile since I've been out. did a little of work, window shopping and plenty of walking. ended up having dinner at Pastamania with Janice after the rest all left. was contemplating between Mos Burger and Yoshinoya, but we both have the last of good memories there, that's why Pastamania was the choice.

Miscommunications on whether to alight at the bus stop, ended up taking it one whole round. ran an errand and was home at the estimated time.

been online ever since.

alrights, some photos to not make it so wordy and sleep after that.

8:45am at Bugis McDonald's later, for Location Production Project discussion ):

Written Communication - Adin, Ali

Slate 1

Slate 2

referral to Oct 20th's post.

Own shadow

the PINK drink that curbed my sweet tooth last night. (:

HYXV

Date : Thursday, October 30, 2008
Time : 11:41 pm

a proper update, prolly tomorrow or over the weekend, cause I've got projects to rush.

Date :
Time : 10:50 pm

Social Psychology and Communication aka soc psy - test tomorrow and I am not even half way done studying.

as a matter of fact, I just started and I've stopped.

its just so strange as to why I am feeling so tired, sleepy, having a headache at such an early hour

considering the fact that I have been sleeping like 1-2 ish

perhaps its because of the make up lesson I did for my Sports & Wellness just now.

damn.

I really need to study for it ):

and just a small but major side track: I've got a freaking sweet tooth now, and I've got nothing sweet at home - as in drinks or sweets. Can't expect me to eat/drink sugar right?? Can someone get me a drink or something?? =P

HYXV

Date : Friday, October 24, 2008
Time : 11:58 pm

pardon for the lack of updates these few days.

have been quite busy and haven't really had the time to update.

guess I'll just do a brief summary, I think unless I get into a really wordy mood later on.

__________

ended up going for soccer on tuesday. super long story.

on monday night, my brother told me he wasn't planning to go for soccer.

so what happened was I woke up on time as usual and just want to pack my stuff for soccer and end up rushing, so I decided not to go for it. school was still okay, felt tired at certain times during the day and I ended up going to the toilet to catch some sleep. =/

it was also the day in which I spent the longest time going home. lecture was suppose to finish at 5, but it finished at 4.

then was on my way home when my brother called me to ask if I'm going for soccer, cause his work got cancelled so he wanted to go down, and it was also the day where I spent close to 3 hours, just to get home.

154

alighted at the next stop and caught the next bus cause it was too crowded

non air-con double decker came, boarded it and it started raining

bus ended up going slow

alighted at Macpherson to catch 22

missed the bus just as I was crossing the road in the rain

so by the time I reached home it was 730 pm

ended up going home just to take my stuff and headed down to East Coast Park.

played relatively well. had no idea, but I was just in the mood to play as the goalkeeper. haha

__________

Wednesday was relatively a long day for me. class from 9am - 6pm. headed off straight after class cause had cell, all the way back at Tampines. missed the bust again, but ended up meeting Eugene and headed to the Nelson/Tengli's place together. A quick session of P&W and sharing, short prayer session and ended up celebrating Tengli's birthday in advance. Walked home in the rain together with Eugene - blame it all on CSI. haha

__________

Thursday, thursday, thursday.

I woke up late even though class starts at freaking 2pm. tempted to take cab down, but figured that it wouldn't be worth it. so ended up taking the bus and train. reached class at 2:30pm and they were like done already. they were like just playing around and stuff with the audio, mixer stuff. thought I could go off then my lecturer was like

Lecturer: Vicson, stay back for awhile, I need to talk to you

Me(thinking to myself): what did I do wrong?

in the end.

Lecturer : do you want me to go through?

Me: go through what?

Lecturer: everything?

Me: anything.

so I just did everything that he asked me to do, like 'input line 1 for mic', 'input music audio from cd' etc.

at the end of it, he was like..

Lecturer: you do this before right?

Me: yeahh. in church

Lecturer: no wonder, so this module shouldn't be too hard for you

Me: I hope so.

and i just went to class for less then 30 mins and I was done for the day.

didnt feel like going home so early, so ended up going down to Bukit Merah, to find my brother at hi workplace. Taught a little of maths again. Back to Tampines, and ended up catching a movie.

Tropic Thunder

- me, being a FSV student wouldn't be fair to the movie by saying that the movie was a waste of money, cause there's just so many aspects to film making. BUT... I would say its a waste of money, based on the story line. stupid story line. Fullstop. (:

back home and ended up playing Winning 11 with my brother till ard 1:30am and I only ended up sleeping close to 2:30am after settling my stuff.

__________

today.

was up at 7:30 to pass a school mate a textbook.

went back to sleep and ended up waking up at 10am when I was suppose to be up by 9am.

thank goodness my dad was still around, ended up sending me to school.

school was quite okay. nothing much happened.

ipod died on me while I was on my way back, either then that, nothing much happened today.

called as usual.

I meant every word in the text that I sent you

for that odd 1 half minute, it made my day.

enjoy yourself, even though you won't be reading till you're online there or when you're back.

__________

was playing Winning 11 with my brother just now and my mum suddenly asked me what will happened if I was late for school today. told her will be marked as absent.

then she said something like 'I don't care my attendance or me wanting to be late' - somewhere along that line. I was like 'who would want to be late for school, be there for class only to be marked as absent' - my mood just changed that very moment, didn't even feel like playing already.

was just freaking pissed.

wanted to post a couple of pics to make it not so wordy, but lazy.

sorry about it.

well, at least I updated. (:

HYXV

Date : Monday, October 20, 2008
Time : 10:43 pm

had a long day.

been up since like 5:45 am, cause I had to be in school at like 7:45 am.

lightning and more lightning was what I saw this morning on my way to the interchange,

hence the text. did it rain, I really do not know. but if you were at SP then I am pretty much sure it rained cause it was raining at NP.

Flag Football - so far still okay. not bragging, but have been singled out as one of the better throwers of the ball. at least that was what the coach told me 'you've got a good throw'

guess I just got to work on my technique and getting the spiral spin.

headed to find my brother at his workplace after school.

ended up teaching the P6s algebra for secondary school, am considering volunteering there, going down every monday. See how it goes.

Down to Eunos for BTT Trial Test. It went quite okay, just failed the first attempt, but ace-ed the second attempt. read up a bit more and I should be okay when it comes to the actual test. Had to walk in the heavy rain to get to the freaking bus stop. got caught in the rain, twice in two days.

guess that's about it for my day. 9 - 6 tomorrow. might not be going for soccer, shall see how it goes.

HYXV

Date :
Time : 10:40 pm

it hurts to see whatever is on your lj.

I am sure you know what I am referring to.

guess all I can do is just wait?

I really do not know.

Date : Sunday, October 19, 2008
Time : 10:39 pm

all I can say is that my feelings for you are still around

it still is hurting me when people ask me about my relationship status

honestly, I still do not know what to tell them

time and time again, I've tried to push you out of the picture but it still make its way back

time and time again, I try to avoid certain songs, but I still find myself listening to them

time and time again, I try to avoid certain pictures, but I still find myself looking at them

time and time again, I try not to think about the past, but I still find myself thinking about them

photo shoot after your exams. did you really meant it?

I have no idea.

3rd November, 3rd November,3rd November

The day it all began.

No, up till now I have no regrets on what happened that day, honestly.

full of ups and downs - this I know

I am seriously missing you.

Approximately one and a half weeks after what happened, but it seems like it has been a long long time. Honestly, I still can't figure out how you got through for 4 long months. Torturous, extremely torturous. Guilty, guilty, guilty. That's how I felt and still am feeling right now.

I still do love you. This I say from the bottom of my heart.

You mean a whole lot to me.

Date :
Time : 12:48 am

-made famous as per requested!

was talking to yanxiu when she told me about the news of my ex-schoolmate and then she suddenly went,

vicson, don't ever ride bike.

I mean its just so tough to lose a friend through an accident or unnatural causes of death. It would be such a blow to those around you.

next thing she said was,

cannot afford to lose you.

it got me thinking. just how many people who are my supposedly friends, really treasure me as their friend, look to me as a friend or even treat me a friend. this answer, I will never know. the positive thing is that at least I know and I can say that there is at least one, around. For this friend of mine;

Yan Xiu;

I thank God. (:

-so you have been reading. haha! (:

do not think too much

HYXV

Date :
Time : 12:34 am

It sure is disturbing.

I mentioned I saw the accident scene on Wednesday night while on my way back from church, where the bike was crushed under the lorry.

It is the scene where the former school mate of mine had the accident.

Cause at that point of time I was sleeping on the bus, then my brother woke me up when he saw the scene and I vividly remember the piece of red colour metal crushed under the table and was saying to my brother : damn jialat.

just not long ago, my friend told me the location of the accident and I went to check the chinese newspaper. sure enough, the photograph that is published was what I saw at the point of time when I saw the scene. the red colour piece of metal, exactly like how I saw it.

I haven't had the slightest idea on how I should end this post cause its such a sensitive issue, right now.

either way, its just too dangerous to ride now a days. just too dangerous.

HYXV

Date : Friday, October 17, 2008
Time : 10:55 pm

heard about it last night. yet another ex-Hildan's life taken away just like that. another accident, another life taken away. this year alone, three separate accidents have claimed three ex-Hildan's life. saw two accidents scenes in three days. that itself is bad enough.

one -

when I was on my way back from church on Wednesday night. the bike was crushed under lorry

two -

today, on my way home from school. at the junction opposite Tampines Stadium. A cyclist got knocked down

apart from that. one week of school just passed by like that. just so fast. time table isn't as bad as it seems, just need to get used to it. I guess. Some people are just acting the same, carrying on from where they left it last semester. Can't help it, I guess.

Just a brief update on my current modules:

Sports & Wellness - Wanted Touch Rugby but they didn't offer it. Flag Football is the closest to it, so hopefully it isn't too bad.

Creativity and Applied Thinking Skills(CATS) - I am still not too sure about it. Just imagine a class mix-up of MCM(three) & FSV(I'm the only one) and the rest are all from ECE(around 13-15 of them). No its not that I have something against them, but its just that the 'educational gap' is just too obvious. Just compare single pointers for Os from MCM, to ECE students ≥20 points. Just hoping that it will improve cause I tried talking to a couple of them and it just isn't working out.

Audio Technology & Production - So far it seems like this is my strongest module, as compared to me taking Photography last semester, its about the same comparison. Cause I've already got the basic knowledge, so hopefully I'll be able to do well for this particular module.

Introduction to Computer Graphics - Photoshop CS3, Photoshop CS3 and more of Photoshop CS3 and some other new programes. After Effects of something like that. I've really got to brush up on my Photoshop. damn it. most worrying module, thus so far.

Location Production - Hopefully I'll be having fun in this module. Its just the grouping for projects that make me worry, cause the lecturer will be choosing the groupings and if you know what happened to me last semester. High probability of being in the same group, either one of them.

Social Psychology & Communication - Plenty of reading needs to be done. Textbook not bought yet. looking to see if I can borrow it. First tutorial today isn't that bad. Will see how its goes as the semester continues.

Written Communication - Heard horror things about this module. Still not too sure about it, period. So far it isn't as bad as it seems to be. Mass lecture was kinda a waste of time, with allocated sittings and all. Tutorial was still okay. Shall see how it goes.

I just realised that I have been stuck here ever since I started this post at 22:55 and now its like 3:16.

I know I am supposed to sleep early.

but there's just so many things that's going through my mind.

I'm hoping still hoping, just hoping that I will have another chance,

cause Baby Girl, I really do love you.

I will and will always be around.

HYVX

Date : Thursday, October 16, 2008
Time : 6:58 pm

another day and it will be one week of school.

new modules, different lecturers, some new classmates.

it just all seem like a new beginning.

knowing who I can trust and who I can not trust, after all that happened last semester.

the modules are still okay, period.

projects are starting to unearth themselves, taking them one at a time, as usual.

taking each day as it is, not knowing what to expect each new day

concentration lapses during lectures, just channel-ed to thinking about you.

I just do not know how to put it into words, but I am really missing you.

It just seems like there's something missing from my life, and that certain thing is you.

my phone has just been too quiet recently. minimal phone calls and msgs.

and yes, I can't get over you.

all I can say is, it does describe the both of us and you've got it spot on.

I love you, and I am still loving you.

HYXV

Date : Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Time : 12:15 am

do you still remember what you told me the other time when I asked you and you told me it won't happen.

disappointed.

just feeling very disappointed.

and it hurts, it does

you know that I still love you.

all I wanted was another chance. that's all

Date : Monday, October 13, 2008
Time : 11:23 pm

first day of school was a total waste of my time.

did nothing at all. seriously.

couldn't sleep at all last night. fell asleep slightly after 2am, only to wake up at 4:30am. and it just felt like I slept less then an hour only.

went back to sleep after getting a drink and got up at 5:45am. left home at 6:15am.

planned to catch some sleep on the shuttle bus but it wasn't to be.

bus was packed and had to put my bag on my lap. great~

like what I said, school was really crap. Sports and Wellness, just the briefing. Chose Flag Football. just disappoint that there're plenty of Malay guys. will be damn sian la, & I was just practically doodling with my pen and paper through out CATS(Creative and Applied Thinking Skills), writing down names.

ended up getting stuck to just a name. you know its you.

didn't feel like staying in school after the lessons were done for the day.

decided to head down to my bro's office to meet him.

it was noisy as usual, but still containable.

had a little of fun here and there.

soccer after that. it wasn't too bad. played relatively well, 4 goals to my name. just a pity that the KFC that I had for dinner didn't really digest in time.

got to wash up now and put the clothes for washing.

long day tomorrow. 9am - 6pm and soccer after that which will be around 10pm. I need to sleep early. damn.

till then..

emptiness is just filling up my heart once again

HYXV

Date : Sunday, October 12, 2008
Time : 11:25 pm

up till now, I still have no idea what's going through your mind, what and how you are thinking.

no idea at all.

Date :
Time : 11:10 pm

just read your lj.

is that question and statement meant for me?

all I can say is that I have already apologised, and admitted its my fault.

there's not much left I can do to change the current situation, to change things.

or is there?

yes. I regret making that decision, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

I honestly regret it, that I will say from the bottom of my heart.

if you really did thought things through,

then where are the answers? I am waiting, still waiting.

and the answer to the first statement, I'm sure you know it.

Yes, I wished and still wishing and hoping - honestly

Date :
Time : 9:43 pm

damn. school's reopening tomorrow and I have yet to adjust back my sleeping time.

that's not the main issue.

the only thing that I am worrying about is that my class starts at 8am tomorrow. Great~ what a way to start a new semester.

summary of how I spent my holidays.

I practically slept throughout my hols. taking the odd part time job here and there. trying to salvage back a broken relationship, did it to a certain extent. you know what I mean.

hopefully I will be able to adapt back to school life, quick enough without any hiccups.

got to sleep early, cause I have to be up by 6am, when I have been sleeping at 4-5am for the past few weeks? Any kind soul wanna give me a morning call? haha. just call and make sure I'm up. hahaha.

till then..

HYXV

Date :
Time : 8:54 pm

my alarm didn't wake me up

chances are I would have called as usual

I really don't know

I just couldn't get to sleep, all the way till 5am

You were just on my mind, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't stop thinking about you.

Missing you, very very badly.

I really do not know what to do now.

Just taking it and living day by day.

Date :
Time : 2:11 am

I really do not know if I should call later, as usual.

sigh

Date : Saturday, October 11, 2008
Time : 9:26 pm

time and time, I try my best not to think of you

but I just can't help it.

having flashbacks of the past, be it two years back, be it last year, starting of the year or just a mere 4 weeks ago, just can't help stop thinking about them.

photos and songs. no matter how hard I try not to think about them it just some how manages to make its way into my mind.

all those sleepless nights that I had / that I am having now. I just wish I could talk to you, like how we used to do so.

Just missing you, very badly. I need you in my life, I really do.

Date : Thursday, October 09, 2008
Time : 11:45 pm

I never saw that coming.

Why?

Answers are what I need.

I Love You, still. You know that.

Date :
Time : 9:36 pm

will things be better?

will things be worse?

or will things just remain as how it is now?

I have no idea.

school's starting next week, for me

I really do not know what to expect.

Date : Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Time : 2:43 pm

A hugh boost to my confidence for the starting of the semester.

Never expected it to happen.

Date : Monday, October 06, 2008
Time : 6:37 pm

hurt.

feeling very hurt now.

thats all I am saying.

Date : Saturday, October 04, 2008
Time : 4:21 pm

questions left unanswered.

statements - just shrugging them off

never know when I will get to see you again

I'm thinking again, but no.

I'm not thinking too much this time.

Just haven't been my usual self these few weeks.