Huang Yixi Vicson

Date : Sunday, November 30, 2008
Time : 4:50 pm

from the moment I finished the dance practice to me reaching home not too long ago

I have thought of calling you.

thought of getting the cheesecake for you.

but ultimately, I am thinking, would it makes things more complicated for me.

that's why when you said 'get the cake for you', my reply was 'errr'.

simple as that.

why can't things go back to how they were and to its very own simplicity.

I wonder, I really wonder why.

Date : Saturday, November 29, 2008
Time : 2:35 am

why the sudden decision to call me?

or rather is it that because he isn't around that's why you decided to call me

the moment I heard my phone ringing at this hour, I thought who would call me at this hour

the moment I saw your name on my phone's display, I had mixed thoughts.

like why would you still want to call me? not like I do not want you to call me, but its just that it's some how making things more complicated.

I really do not know how I should be feeling right now.

I really do not know what to say right now.

all this while, hearing your voice.

yes, I am feeling tired(sorry that I said I am not tired)

its just that I do not want to put down, like always as usual.

Date : Friday, November 28, 2008
Time : 12:36 pm

time and time again, it is not made clear on who it is directed to

thus all the perception, thus all the miscommunication

that's why, it's not the first time that it is happening

for the past few weeks, months

each and every time I go online, I have mixed emotions

one part of me wants to see you online, and yet the other part of me does not want to see you online.

how I wish I could just appear offline all the time.

it just isn't possible.

even right now, I'm online, appearing offline

thinking, thinking. should I just appear online.

why is it that, almost all the time, when I have the time to spare, time away from school work and stuff, things arent just working out?

why is it that, almost all the time, when I do not have the time to spare, due to school work, home and what nots, things are working out?

this year alone has been significant enough.

parents are overseas, brother is caught up with work and camps and there I am having all the time to spare in the world.

fate? is that what you think it is?

to me, it just isn't what it is.

I am still waiting and hoping

like how you waited the last time round - you know when I am referring to.

Date : Thursday, November 27, 2008
Time : 2:51 pm

don't you find it that it's very unfair to me?

especially when its related to me, somehow.

you told me to look at two different posts and they are just two complete messages that you are sending across to me.

just what was going through your mind at that point of time?

all I want are answers, explanations to your actions.

like you asked me why I'm still holding on to you the other day, I could give you an answer.

thats all I want to know.

getting me to let go;

the moment everything's cleared and clarified.

it's going to be tough, that I know.

but, right now at this point of time; all that I know is that

I still love you - no denying that

Date :
Time : 1:55 pm

all I'm doing is just waiting and hoping, still

you know that.

still loving you, like I have been loving you ever since.

Date : Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Time : 8:25 pm

you were on my mind the moment I woke up this morning

knowing that today would be a crucial day, knowing that today might just resolve part of whatever that is happening.

I thought long and hard before sending you the text this morning and also the other day.

Not knowing how/what you'll be feeling when you read them.

All that I can do is just hope and wait. That is just what I am doing.

Doing all that I can within my control, and not step over the boundary or doing things that would be over the limit.

You know that I had a hell lot of chances to go over the boundary, but time and time again, I chose not to do so. I respect you, as a person.

But time and time again, when those chances go past, I keep asking myself "am i doing the right thing? perhaps that would be the last chance?" opportunities keep on coming my way, but I choose not to do anything, and I would just keep on asking myself.

the other night when I sent you home and then you heard me banging in the lift. that was exactly, that's going through my mind. I just want to do it, but each and every time, I remind myself, "Maintain the respect, Vicson. Keep it there, just keep it there."

I've been thinking about it. Surely, that there would be a reason that we bumped into each other at subway the other night. it's just a reason that is still waiting to be discovered. do you still remember what you told me, on what was happening to you when you first saw me? I can still remember it, but I will not mention it here. the question is, why would that be happening.

so many things are just going through my mind right now

and I just do not know how to end this post

All I want is just another chance.

That's all

Date : Monday, November 24, 2008
Time : 10:53 pm

call you tomorrow kk?

I've been up since 6, out for the whole day and just came back and my phone has just been totally silent for the whole day

empty promises? I think so, if not just prove me wrong.

won't you just prove me wrong.

I am sure not surprised, at all.

it hurts, it still hurts.

Date : Thursday, November 20, 2008
Time : 11:53 pm

YANXIU OH YANXIU (:

happy, or rather blessed birthday

may the lord continue to shower his blessings and protection upon you as you enter a new phase of your life.

i'm always around if you need any help.

i'll try my best to help if i can

this i am sure that you know (:

well, my actually birthday wish for you was the text that I sent you

so yeahh. (:

Date : Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Time : 10:20 am

just how and what should I be blogging about, I really have got no idea.

the many things that are going through my mind, it is almost impossible to type it all out where.

only able for it to be through text edit.

everything is right there in text edit.

everything that is in there, you know it all, that is till yesterday.

I was thinking again this morning, and like what I've said, no way can it appear here.

another long conversation on friday night, till you know when it ended.

went through so many things.

the happy, sad, funny, emotional. whatever you name it, it was almost all there.

2 hour sleep before waking up late.

got a super screwed up text, shan't talk about it. if you know about it, good for you.

meet up for project was a total waste of time. and I really wasn't feeling well.

double cheeseburger meal, and i left the fires totally untouched. headed home to get my cap for the dance, cause I left it at home and the meet up was like only one hour plus.

another trip down to macs at CC to slack, till around 2 plus as I had to be in church by 3:30pm.

quick music practice for the Praise & Worship for St Hilda's Day cause I was approached to play and ended up missing the final rehearsal for the Mandarin Congregation's dance item.

it's like the moment the practice finished the service was starting, so was like rushing all over the place. in the end also didn't do the marking for the dance item. didn't really played as according to practice cause all the 6 aux outputs were out ,no idea what happened to them, so I had to really listen hard for them. could only catch it on and off, but other then that was relatively okay.

ssaw a new braceface! charis! hahah. black and blue. didn't look bad. lol! and she actually tried to pray in mandarin! LOL

honestly, the whole service was boring.three performances and two of them were like so dry. choir and the hokkien congregation did some memorizing of bible verses. so the dance offered something different. heh. made three mistakes during the chorus, but after reviewing the video, it was still okay. and I was just practically talking throughout the whole item, reminding Daniel what to do and is the chorus or verse that is coming up.

am just kinda surprised that Crossover didn't have any item. oh wells.

brought my camera down and ended up taking photos after the dinner. jump shots, spastic photos and what nots. haha

music practice after that. everyone was tired, so in the end it was like done within 1 hr. headed home after that.

yet another phone call, and another late night.

forgot to set alarm which equates to no morning call, which also equates to me waking up late for church.

ended up calling eugene and shared a cab down.

praise & worship was good. sermon was a little out of point.

lunch was good, for recent months.

went out for ice. took a couple of photos, but just plain lazy to transfer them, cause they are in my old phone.

down to SAC to pass my brother his guitar strap, together with Eugene.

sat a little while and ended up going to Funan to have a look around.

also wanted to get a game, but decided not too.

10-ed home

it just had been a tough week o go through.

no words can describe on what has been happening to me, how my emotions were and how I have been feeling.

all I want is just things to go back to how there were.

HYXV

Date : Monday, November 17, 2008
Time : 9:21 pm

yes, I know that it has been close to 3 months since I last replied the tags.

so I have finally decided to reply the tags.

I'll leave out those that do not any reply though. yup.

SELENE: yeah, VV is not little already and I think she misses you? hah. yeah, jiayou-ing for projects, stressed ):

I would if I had the money, and will give you all that you want; you know that. updates coming soon alright. I promise. and yes, I am replying the tags now. I don't wanna die early ):

Peter: hey. alrights will keep in touch! thanks!

someone: hmmm, thank you for that! (: maybe next time you could drop your name some where, so that I know who are you.

Janice: hurhur. at least I updated. bleah.

Chingying: of course you are mentioned! okay, fine! you are the best! okay? hahah

dawn: can't help it if my blog is wordy right?? been trying to post more photos already. heh. sorry about that! hahah, and make sure your name appears here more often please!

Cara: Hey McDonald's girl!! (:

Rachael: mmhmmm. yup. heh

HYXV

Date : Thursday, November 13, 2008
Time : 10:40 pm

alrights.

you're right about me not blogging

but it's just that I do not know how to blog and what I should be blogging on

cause you know what happened

it was just all bittersweet

I'll prolly blog over the weekend or something

no promises though.

Date :
Time : 11:19 am

I'm sucha nice friend I'm helping the guy post because he is such a lazy frog & he calls me lazy all the time. Tsk. He got me here at Clementi far from home to watch them film while I am supposed to be home sleeping. He will post tonight but we all know he is gonna procrastinate so just keep coming back. :) Don't forget to tag although I know he doesn't reply at all. Call that lazy. He is lazy. :D & he is going to call me an ass after he reads this post.

Vicson Huang you owe me one for having me wake up so early in the morning when it's so nice to sleep it's raining all over town again! :(

(if you get to read this, you're lucky. cause he might just delete this post some time.)

Date : Saturday, November 08, 2008
Time : 10:14 pm

kinda can't remember what I've done for the past, so I do not really have any idea how to put it into words.

either way, I was trying to blog the other night, I think it was Wednesday night, but blogger just didn't allow me to post the photos, so I have not blogged, till like now.

so I'll guess I'll let the photos do the talking.

Monday Night - Storyboard shoot that was not finished up and I just had a terrible day on the overall.

Tuesday - Location Production Lecture

the thing that kept me awake through out the whole lecture.

during lecture - presenting to you Adin Kinderman. haha

lunch - I had no idea this was taken until my classmate showed me

macbooks in the dark! (:

-shall continue updating later-

[edited - 23:45 Sunday]

after the dance rehearsal.

new set of sofa. (:

old one is still around though.

HYXV

Date :
Time : 1:43 am

projects, projects and more projects.

school's going to kill me, sooner or later.

movie poster, location production shoot, social psychology.

why does everything got to happen this week when all my nights are packed?

and that includes my weekends.

I could have pushed my plans back for school's sake

like the item rehearsal for my church's anniversary on tuesday night and cell on wednesday night

but somehow I just to de-stress myself.

to just be away from all the school work.

great! just as I was looking forward to playing soccer on monday night, the rehearsal for location production happily comes along and spoils it all.

felt that little bit of being rejuvenated, after Sheena prayed for me while I was waiting for music practice to start, just now at church. but now it seems to have disappeared a little.

somehow, I just do not want to get to sleep and just totally de-stress myself.

itunes, youtube and all

all these despite the fact that I've got to be at location tomorrow at 9am, which is at bukit timah for the storyboard shoot.

guess I'll force myself to sleep, or rather I HAVE to sleep.

so long people.

sudden reminisce of you

while I was on my way to church

when this certain song was played on my ipod

HYXV

Date : Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Time : 11:45 pm

totally had a bad day yesterday.

the stress level was totally up to my head and it was just going to burst at any moment.

but why of all times last night, just as the shoot was going to be completed? ):

Guys, I am so sorry!!

when I say I had a bad mean, I practically meant the WHOLE day.

in the afternoon was slightly better.

but in the morning and at night.

just the thought of it makes me not want to think and talk about it.

If you know what happened to me yesterday, good for you.

not exactly good though.

If I promised to tell you what happened and I've yet to do so, please remind me.

on msn - you know who you are.

just at that very point where my tears just started flowing down

when the stress level hit its maximum,

I just needed someone to talk to and I wanted it to be you

but it just isn't possible now

just so many things have been going on,

have happened but I just got no one appropriate to share with.

Just no one. ):

lousy, lousy, lousy.

that was how I was feeling most of the day yesterday.

): this sums it all up.

HYXV

Date : Monday, November 03, 2008
Time : 12:50 am

yesyesyes!!

Finally done with the stupid Soc Psy Journal.

I overwrote, and ended up with 1000 words, managed to cut it down to 936 and just couldn't find anything thing else to cut off.

But Ching managed to help me to cut it down to 900 words! So I'm damn happy!!

Ching, thanks so much!! You are the best!! - for now.

hahah, but really seriously, thank you so much!!

it has just been two killer nights(Saturday and Sunday night

)

imagine staring at this for 4-5 hours straight, two nights in a row!

HYXV

Date : Sunday, November 02, 2008
Time : 10:35 pm

I forgot to mention that I had quite a pleasant surprise, on Friday night, when I came home.

Reached home, and went straight into my room.

Looked at my table and what I saw was this.

Flipped it over..

Looked into it and took out whatever that was inside, and it turned out to be another Hillsong Dvd - airmailed directly from Australia, courtesy of one of my ex-church member.

I was totally 'wow!' cause I wasn't expecting it after receiving 'This Is Our God' a couple of months back.

HYXV

Date :
Time : 12:29 am

oh my goodness!

the stupid journal for Social Psychology is freaking killing my brain cells and eyes!

*pulls hair!!*

I've stared and strained my eyes at the Microsoft Word window and a couple of 'once in a while' popping up of MSN windows for so long that I've changed my MacBook's display to Black and White, just to ease my eyes!

Seriously all stressed up! argh!