Huang Yixi Vicson

Date : Saturday, December 29, 2007
Time : 8:56 pm

i just needed to get it out of me.

i just wanted to let you know.

i know i did it, eventually.

but what would your response be?

i have no idea.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date : Friday, December 28, 2007
Time : 11:58 pm

woke up relatively early, despite the fact that i couldn't sleep as thoughts were just running through my mind the moment i closed my eyes. fell asleep in the end, by some unglam way.
actually got woken up by the a phone call from Cara, asking me if i was free in the afternoon. so i forced myself to go out, instead of facing the four walls in my room. well, some how i was just relief to be able to get myself occupied. otherwise i would seriously be suffering.

journey down to town wasn't that good. even though i was plugged in with my ipod, full blast, those thought some how still managed to creep their way into my mind. i looked around the cabin, looking at the people inside. some how i started to tear. not wanting it to happen, i composed myself immediately, and turned to my phone for some 'salvation'. i simply just had to get myself occupied. but its like the moment i slid my phone up, a msg came in.
'eh, where are you now?'
its like the phone kept me occupied, instead of me keeping myself in the phone. =/ i was just totally, 'thank goodness' that kind of reaction. rest of the journey was kinda okay until i reached Dobby Ghaut, cause was suppose to meet at PS. as i started walking towards the exit, the thoughts came back again. some how, i just had the urge to go down to the end of NEL, but i knew it wasn't possible. it just wouldn't happen for me, at that point of time. went up to PS, outside and waited for Cara, as she was l-a-t-e. haha. then after that met her fren. he's quite nice la. quite funny at times.haha. got tickets for National Treasure, then went down Long John for lunch or rather brunch. i didn't really had the appetite, but still ate. the show was GOOD. its like way way way much better the I am Legend. total thriller, with all the twist here and there. worth catching.
oh and i got to blog abt this. i find it quite funny. if you guys have been to the movies recently, you know got the reminder to off your phone, by Fann Wong and the guys. the phone rang and the sound came from the right of the cinema and the uncle who was sitting on my left actually turned to his right and see la. i was seriously laughing away. it was damn funny.haha. okayy.nvm..heh
finished the show, and we were going down on the escalator and i noticed something different.

okay Cara, you know what i mean, shall i be a nice fellow and blog abt it? haha.oh wells.

okay back to where i stop..and we were just practically walking all around town. walk walk walk, trained to Orchard and walk walk walk, like walking aimlessly. the Heeren to Tangs to Taka. all over the place. till time was kinda calling us. Cara had to go, I had to go, so her fren had to head home. poor fella, live at Changi and come all the way to town without bringing much cash for shopping. so i guess he headed home.
trained back to Dobby Ghaut, caught 14 to Katong. met bro, played awhile of lan to relieve myself. then went to church for music practice. even though i wasn't on duty, but i still went down. okay..so i made the promise that i wouldn't hurt myself. its not broken yet. so i kinda vented all my frustration on the drum set, surely i am allowed to do that. and let me clarify one thing. playing the drums loudly and whacking them hard doesn't mean that i am a violent person, so yaa. but somehow, the practice was quite okay.finished then headed home which is where i am now. yup.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date :
Time : 11:18 pm

you will know its you, if you feel guilty while reading the segment below.
if you don't feel guilty, then its not you.
it's that simple.

i have heard of the things that you have done.
true or not true, only you know.
i am very sure that you jolly well knew that she was attached.
and you knew who she was attached to.
and yet you still continue on your, should i say 'venture'.
from my point of view, you were just a different person to her when i was around and when i wasn't around.
dates, movie dates, gifts. yeah. i know all abt it.
Christmas day, i know abt it
i really do not know what else to say.
but i am really disappointed in you, brother, brother-in-Christ.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date :
Time : 10:54 pm

i am deeply hurt.
i am deeply upset.
i am deeply disappointed.
by your actions, by your words.

i was going to improve on the dates, make more time for you, accompany you on your next dental visit(isn't that what you have always wanted?).
i know i haven been getting you anything, and its not that i do not want to. its just that i am not able too
i know i didn't spend more time with you during the camp, but i had to do my job and that was to take photos and upload them and stuff.
i know we haven gone out many a times, cause i was retaking my Os and i seriously didn't want to screw them up again. and it was you who kept me gg on to study for my Os, when i felt like giving up a few times. those small little words of encouragement did a whole lot to me.
i know that my feelings for you were on and off during a period of time, but i just wanted to settle it after my Os, besides you were having your eoys. but by the time Os ended, my feelings for you were back and it has been there up till now.
i know that you meant alot to me, but i didn't know how much you meant to me, until after the camp.
i realised that you meant a whole lot, a whole whole lot to me, but by then i guess it was too late.
everything has happened.

it's just one day only, but i am starting to feel empty.
emptiness is starting to feel the inside of me.

how i long to hear your sweet voice once again. but its not possible now.
how i long to receive your msg again. but its not possible now.
how i long to have the midnight calls once again, 3 hours, 4 hours, 5 hours. but its not possible now.
how i long to have you in my arms, to embrace you with my love. but its not possible now.
how i long to have another meet up at the usual place, when school reopens. but its not possible now.

despite for the many things not done, i was and i am loving you and i am serious about it even up till now.

I Love You.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date : Thursday, December 27, 2007
Time : 9:05 pm

and due to the large amount of unreplied tags, i shall do the replying here.
forgive me people =)

SELENE (reply for ALL the tags):
i am so hoping tat you will continue to be hooked on that picture. you know what i mean, and i have updated till Christmas Day already. will that do? heh and yeah. i am okay already. no longer sick. guess the tags will continue to come in when i am done replying all the unreplied tags. yup. and i just want to tell you that you mean so much to me.

I Love You!! :)

CARA:
updated already la. haha and your camera is still at some unknown shop, waiting for your visitation. haha. remember abt the emo pics ah.hahaha

dawn:
yeah. you actually remembered to tag. haha. yeah. i have stopped emo-ing already. for now. haha. and
i am not that old okay!! you are not tat young either. haha

andrea:
Hey! its a surprise to see your tag and how did you know i have got a blog? haha. emmm..well, i am emo-ing due to some personal reasons? but i am kinda okay now. yeah. thanks for the encouragement and BLESSED belated CHRISTMAS. see you around in church yeah? hah =)

Tricia:
AMEN!! to that statement. thanks. and where are the photos?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??! lalala~ hahaha

mel:
alright melissa, now you are out of job. now how sad is tat? haha. okay. see you soon.

xingjie:
. i linked you up already. haha and the merlion in tampines is over already. i am okay already!! see you soon. haha

FION:
HELLO. sorry for the late reply.hahaha. and i am going to visit your blog soon. lalala~

ruth ONG =) :
which ruth are you?? the bass ruth right?? HAHAHA. okay. i will remember your surname but forget your surname. will that do? =D

okay. you guys can start to tag again. i will try my best to remember my username, so that i can clear the tagboard. heh.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date :
Time : 7:04 pm

alright. this will be an update on what i did on Christmas Day.

set my hp alarm at 8am to wake dear up. woke her up, went back to sleep only for myself to wake up late. bro and i were planning to leave home at 9, and we ended up waking up at 9, like great timing. haha. so in the end cab-ed down to church, cause by the time we were ready to leave, it was around 9:30 already and service was starting at 1030 and the journey from home to church takes an average of abt an hour, and we still had to set up the instruments. so ya, tat explains it. shant talk much abt the service, just tat the P&W was quite okay, and the sermon wasn't about Love or Thanksgiving or anything related to Christmas(according to my bro, cause i wasn't really listening). and for the first time in my 13 years in St. Hilda's, i didn't go out and watch the baptism. =/ lunch was great. the first time, close to 10 people squeezing ard 1 round table. LOL. then after tat took a few photos. and its really a few. cause Nat was rushing, so we didn't take too many. well, actually i think abt 4 photos only. if only i had my dad's camera. haha.

walked out of church after almost everyone have left, only to realise tat i left my beloved ipod in the sanctuary. rushed back to take it. thank goodness it was still around. me and my carelessness. as usual. =X went to play lan for a short while then headed down to Yishun Christian Church to grab my dad's camera, cause bro was planning to head down to Orchard to snap some photos. and we ended up staying for the whole service. it was like so traditional la. got the march out and stuff. was quite okay. and could say was a small st. hilda's reunion cause my family was there, ken and family, uncle parry, qal and family and poh family were there to, so ya.

bro and i left straight away after the service. had a small quarrel while walking to the mrt station. oh wells, it was just something small. then trained down to orchard. a whole lot of people as the roads were closed for the floats. some were quite nice and meaningful. a short while later headed to mos burger for dinner. went back up to the crowd and a few COR people came. then started taking photos all the way. crapping here and there, while msging some people. yeah. and by the time bro and i reached home, was abt close to 1. okay, i shall let the pics do the talking. just some of the nicer ones though.

and two of my most favourite pics of the night.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date : Sunday, December 23, 2007
Time : 11:32 pm

i am seriously feeling emo now.
feeling like shit.
the removal of the pic may seem nothing to you but it means a whole lot to me.
is this the end of it??
i think so, but i hope not.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date :
Time : 10:18 pm

service today was kinda okay.
200 over people attended the service.
quite a lot of new faces.
serene and i were emcees for the night. i felt that we didnt do too good.
well for my side, i felt that i just couldnt grab hold of the peoples' attention.
as compared to two years ago, i feel that two years ago was better. oh wells.its over already.

like what some people say, you can only do it again to improve yourself. so i shall be waiting for the next chance to host again. yup.

other then that, the Praise and Worship was o-kay. chior was o-kay. the skit was kinda funny, even though it was in canto and hokkien. but the testimony was the best. the most touching of all. its like this guy is 22 years old. and a couple of years ago, he got whacked badly, fell into a coma for two whole years and doctors said tat he wont wake up again. but even if he did, he would be a vegetable. but by God's grace, he woke up. and now he's even walking. he used to be wheelchair-bound, but after he went to say his experience, dunno in where, then when he came back, he could walk. its like so amazing. its all God's grace. and the way he sang the song 'kang wa eh chiu', it just makes me wanna cry. i just cant describe it. its like he is really singing out from the bottom of his heart. okay, i shall be honest. i did tear. but really, it was really touching. yup.

after service, took a couple of pics then had supper then headed home. yup.
alright. here are some of the pics.

taken at Koh family's house, during the Christmas party cum Outreach.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date :
Time : 11:16 am

It was a major confession isn't it?
and i was just totally stumped, i just didn't know how to react.
punching the wall wouldn't help but i still did that.
kicking the wall wouldn't help either, but i still did that.
saying "i don't know" won't help to improve the situation, and i am sure you know that yourself.
right from the start when you started talking about him, i was almost certain that this would happen. i told you how i felt, things improved.
but when i couldn't talk on the phone, you know what you would be doing.
that's for sometimes, not saying all the time.
like what i have said 'so much for ALL the comforting words the other day'.
do you still mean it like how you meant it the other day??
i really do not know.
all i know is that i still love you.
and i mean it.

I LOVE YOU

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date : Friday, December 21, 2007
Time : 12:06 am

did nothing much in the afternoon. just that had my brunch while watching CSI together with dad. redownloaded Picasa, cause the other time it was downloaded in chinese. -.-

so i kinda just scanned through the photos from Skywalker again. over 1500 photos in all and re edited some of them. stopped at abt 1730.

preapred to go down to Camel's place as Serene(P-i-C) and I had to practice the emcee script for Christmas. and apparantly, i was just too busy that i didnt even have the time, even just to read through the script properly. so the practice was really needed.

reached her place quite early, first time in her house, second time at the condo though. kinda small, but its cosy enough. hah.

slacked abit, then she ordered pizza for dinner and i just remembered that i had pizza for dinner on Monday night. -.- so while waiting for the pizza to be delivered, we read through the script a couple of times and at one point of time i was eating the taohu that camel offered me, and she wanted me to start reading when my mouth was full of taohu. so what happened was i started and all of a sudden i burst out laughing and taohu was literally sprayed all over my lappy and camel's lappy. it was just so hilarious. and the cleaning up, it was just sosososo damn funny. hahah. =/

then got down to serious work, read through the script like at least 5 times. changed a couple of words, added in a little actions, rephrased a couple of sentences and all. and i got so blur until i read '这个时候让我们不只用眼睛看和耳朵听' as '这个时候让我们不只用眼睛听和耳朵听' and it wasnt once, it was a couple of times. guess i was kinda stressed at that point of time already cause was quite late already. eventually, managed to get everything right, with just minor hiccups here and there. no much worries. got a ride back from Koh family. and here i am blogging. yup, that's abt it.

FLIGHTEr 17^Vicson

Date : Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Time : 11:03 pm

alright. i know i haven been updating cause i have been real busy.

missed the first two days of Crossover camp cause wasnt feeling too well. of all days i just had to fall sick one day before the camp started.
oh wells, i had great fun at the camp. the camp was literally fun, the p&w sessions were good. and i am just longing for my service to have that kind of p&w. its like always stagnent.
my impressions of a couple of people from crossover were changed totally, in the good sense. met new friends, got to know current friends even better. well after all the theme of the camp was DISCOVER. so yeah..i made some new discoveries. :)
i would love to be part of Crossover, like seriously. but being the fact that i grew up in the Chinese Congre, i am already seriously attached to the people, to my friends that i grew up with. with the people that watched me grow up. from a 5 year old kid to now, an 18 year old teenager. that's 13 long years. yeah. so i just cant leave, afterall that's where i grew up. and even though i am not from crossover, we are still from the same church, still from the same body of Christ. yup :)

oh and before i end..

and i am so looking forward to next year's Crossover camp!! just cant wait.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date : Saturday, December 15, 2007
Time : 10:31 pm

i am sick sick sick. and i mean it.
yesterday; vomited like twice in the morning and once after i came back from the doctor.
felt like a version of the merlion.
all the water that i drank just came flushing out of my mouth and my nose, non-stop.
and the worse thing is that, it happen downstairs, at my house void deck and my dad just left me there. -.- great. felt like some ass.
hahah. so according to the doctor. i ate something wrong. and i have yet to figure out what it is.
slight fever also.
sleepless night yesterday. apparantly i had a nightmare then cause me to open my window and shout out of it, in frustration(i think), 4 o'clock in the morning. and i cant remember what i dreamt abt. i dun want to remember also. like who would want to remember their own night mares right?? hahah
guess thats about it.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date : Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Time : 1:06 am

yeah. i know it has been almost 2 weeks since i last updated.
i really do not know where to start from.

probably from last Sunday(02/12/2007)
finished lunch, while waiting for lionel to come down to church.
then headed down to St. James with my bro, lionel and uncle songhe then shifted the equipment. thought everything could fit in la. but in the can. even had enough space to sit three people behind.
headed down to SAV. set up the equipment with the help from COR people and St. Paul's people. had a little trouble setting up the mixer and the amplifiers though so in the end used only one set of amplifier.had dinner then the leaders came one by one. had short p&w and sharing by bazhang.haha then broke up into groups according to the tribes then chose the tribe leaders. had debrief the went into bunks.

03/12/2007 - Monday

woke up, packed up my stuff only to find out that i will be sleeping in the same bunk. so in the end nv pack. went down for breakfast. and the very first camper came at 8+ la. beloved Paulvin. the first camper to reach the campsite, other then me. registration started at 9 and they slowly streamed in, and my work has officially started. up and down bewtween first and second floor. zoom.
focus.
snap.
wait for flash to recharge. and the cycle continues again.
that was what i had to do for the whole camp. broke into the groups. kinda not happy with my group, cause i totally wasnt sure what my role was in the camp. like totally!! thats why i wasnt too happy if you guys noticed me carefully. still i continued taking the photos, did what i was suppose to do. uploaded the photos then slacked awhile then slept.

04/12/2007 - Tuesday

woke up quite early. one of the first few to wake up.went to Shaw Hall. left my batteries there charging. then waited for the rest of the campers to come in. took my already usual place. behind the sound system, armed with my or is it my dad's camera. haha. did the usual again.
zoom.
focus.
snap.
wait for flash to recharge. and the cycle continues again.
lunched. then went for the different workshops.well, not for me. cause i went around taking photos. walked the corridor until my feet pain la. in the end went barefooted. imagine walking in 'Us' for close to 2 hours non stop. no break at all okay!!
then had free time. practiced for cheer. wasnt too bad. dinner-ed then had the Night Structure Experience. i am lazy to explain what it is, so please forgive me. all i know was i was barefooted through out the whole night. busy taking photos, running here and there. and was very very busy cause all the groups wanted their photos taken.
had a good talk with Benny. i was totally stressed up and frustrated that i literally broke down when he prayed for me. only a few people were around. =/
ended up sleeping at around close to 2 after uploading the pics into my bro's hard drive.
and i some how enjoyed the barefooted-ness.haha =/

05/12/2007 - Wednesday
was among the first few to wake up again. did the same things. went to Shaw Hall. left my batteries there. then had a short sharing. took photos. breakfast. then had telematch in the school hall. i did help my group abit. ended up falling down twice cause of the slippery floor. in the end i stop. resumed my duty cause no one were taking photos. gave some help in the other games though. yes i was affected with what they said, but i handled it good. cause i knew what my duty was in the camp. so there! had free time then went for a short walk with dear. ended up helping the aunty move the food from the sch canteen to our sleeping area cause was raining. so we were literally carrying the food and the drinks in the rain la. got help from lionel's group also. so all thanks to Omega, all the campers got their dinner on time.
three cheers and three cheers and three cheers for Omega. hahahaha..okay crappy me.then after dinner, i kinda wrecked my memory to try and remember where did i see Peiwen before. but some how i cant remember where i saw her before and yet she looks sososo familiar. oh, and apparantly, she's my bro's childhood fren.haha
then had the songwriting competition. was quite okay la. a little boring and draggy though =/
then lights off was extended to 2am.packed up all the equipment then did what i was suppose to do.so while all the rest of the campers were happily playing and slacking away.i was sitting at one side all alone, scanning through ALL the photos to select afew to show the campers on the last day, until my beloved childhood fren came and accompanied me.haha.she left after a little while though. then i changed my position, and sat with Fion and COR people. continued till abt 2am. and i just managed to finish wat i was suppose to do. thanks to ruth ONG and chia ying and another small boy for playing three rounds of cards with me. at least i played a little bit. hah. then went to sleep.

06/12/2007 - Thursday

woke up slightly later. packed up my stuff then shifted everything to Shaw Hall, helped to clear up the stage and stuff. then started taking photos again. breakfast then had closing service. and quite a number of people were falling asleep la. thank goodness i had my camera to keep me awake.haha.service finished. went back and uploaded the photos. finalised the selected photos while they were having their debrief. then showed the the photos. only managed to show them half of them due to time constrain. had thanksgiving and sharing.talk and talk then left the last person. and everyone was shooting each other to go up la. in the end i went up, and said my share of words, without the camera of course. so i was taken. like for only abt the fifth time during the whole camp? haha. you might think that my job was over. nope you are wrong.haha cause i still had to take the tribe and group photos. and i still had to carry the equipment down to the first floor la. but thanks to SAC pple for helping to carry them. made my life easier. haha.

uncle songhe came, CCR pple helped to pack everything onto the lorry, then headed to St James, only to realise that we took an extra music stand that belonged to DOS. so after dumping what we had to dump at St James headed back to SAV just to return the music stand. done with that, then headed back to St Hilda's to put back our equipment. done then had lunch, and headed home. slept at 6pm all the way to 9am the following day.

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson

Date : Saturday, December 01, 2007
Time : 1:29 am

okay. i went to sleep after i blogged finish on the previous post.
woke up at 2. only to find that i am all alone at home.
with the aircon off, door closed and fan not on.
like want to kill me la. there's like totally no ventilation in my room.
like come on la, you on the air con for the whole night, and i cant on the air con when i sleep, when i din even on the aircon for the whole night? what is this.
oh wellss..
so in the end went down city hall to my bro's office.
met him, settled some camp stuff. the songs for the camp and for our session.
headed down to payer laber. and met the St Paul people.
okay. new friends made already even before the camp has started.
there were two Ruth(s), cant remember the surname though. one of her from SAJC.
and she know Cheryl, Nicole Pow and Jade. cause of Touch.
kinda small world eh. haha.
okay like i was saying, two Ruth(s), Lionel, Luke(they call him cow. sad case.haha) and i cant remember the other person's name. heh
dinner-ed then went down to church, practised for the camp.
was quite okay, had fun. haha
more fun coming my way at camp.haha
finished then came back, and i just finished packing the stuff for camp.
guess tats abt it. and i am hungry. =/ haha

FLIGHTer 17^Vicson